Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize