Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
