do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
