Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Jerry, you need to find god
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
