On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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