he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
