i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
