I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
