So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
