I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
