My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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