I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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