I puked a lego.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
