I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We left the knife in your bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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