Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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