return my video game
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize