4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
