I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
