new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
