with your own penis?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you would pick up someone in the library
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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