Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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