Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
