I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
