Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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