i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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