I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
