i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
