Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
