i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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