just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize