I want to walk on stilts...naked
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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