Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
