My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
