Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
