One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
