Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
