So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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