it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
