she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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