Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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