I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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