at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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