do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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