OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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