so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
