I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
