Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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