i just google imaged poop.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
