yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
