look no pants
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Randomize