I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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