Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
