Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
