I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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