In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
