cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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