considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
