My room smells like vodka and shame
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
