the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize