a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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