and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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