Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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