I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
