And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Randomize