The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
