First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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