im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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