You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
