We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
