I wish I could teleport
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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