So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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