just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
