Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
