We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
