So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
