like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
