I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
