dude i'm inner monologue high
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
