grandma shit on top of the toilet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
