yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
