You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
