Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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