Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
