i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
