The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
