you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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