like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
