You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
