Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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