The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
