I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
