why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
