I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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