Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
