do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
