She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize