I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
