At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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