Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
