Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
