Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
