There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
