dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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