I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
