Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
